I've been busy with work and food poisoning and its the start of the rainy season!

Everyone likes gory details so I'll start with the food poisoning! I got some fried chicken from one of our street stalls. It was a little dry, but I took this as a sign that it was overcooked rather than a sign that it had been sitting out for 11 hours!

Anyway I woke from a dead sleep and made it to the facility approximately just in time. I then settled into my regular stance for the next 10 hours of hell. I went to the Doctor about 11:30 the next day. His nurse/receptionist was seriously one of the top 25 most beautiful women I have ever seen! The Doctor listened to my complaints and told me "Intramuscular injection and oral pills" then the nurse, Ms. Stunning, beckoned me towards a door on the other side of the office. I followed her and she tapped me on the butt. I took this as a sign that the shot would be in that area. I turned to her and said "Komsahmnida" (thank you) and she went for the door to get the Doc to administer my injection.


NOTE: not the actual nurse, but an actual original stern nurse photo.

Obedient patient that I am, I had just finished whipping down my pants when she shut the door and turned around, surprising us both (her, pleasantly I hope!) I was representing the great state of West Virginia proudly! She motioned for me to turn around and prepare for the shot, picking up a syringe with a needle that was at least 3 inches long!

"Oh Christ!!!" I thought as ominous music began in my sub-conscious, I have just flashed a woman with a 3" needle and now she has the legal and medical obligation to plunge it into my fundament! I braced and she rubbed some alcohol onto my upper right ass region, really a more hippish than ass region, in an area that would have required a mere dipping of the waistband of my britches, maybe 2 inches. She slid the needle in almost painlessly, delivered the injection and put a band-aid on it. Then she slapped my ass, just short of heartily! I'm in love! She even giggled when I jumped and it touched my heart!

Three days later, that Friday night I went for a massage. No, not that kind of massage, a straight-up therapeutic massage. Anyway, about half way into the session, the woman climbed onto the side of the table and stepped onto my back. Then when she lifted her other foot I bore her full weight on the small of my back. During my time here in Korea I have tried to maintain a native cabbage and egg rich diet. I am not a small or even average sized man. Six foot tall and about 260 pounds. I prefer the adjectives portly and stout myself, but choose your own favorite, as I have heard them all. There could be only one outcome. I farted. Really to convey the full significance of the event I should type it as:

I FARTED!! BAD!!!

Loud, long and very acerbic! (Ed. note Acerbic: Having a noticeably sharp pungent taste or smell)

I started laughing so hard that I slobbered on the floor through the face hole of the massage table! The poor woman had to jump off my back to keep from falling off of me and she ran for the door! She came back in about 3 minutes and plugged in a fan. She was laughing too and then I received my second ass-slap of the week, and this one had some English on it! Luckily it was on the unpunctured left cheek and the session resumed where it had left off.  

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