Late this last fall, as November approached, Mr. and Mrs. America
decided to go shopping for a new car. Almost from the day they had bought
it six years earlier, their current car, a Liberator model, had been
very unreliable. Its instruments were constantly telling them things they
knew from their own senses to be untrue. The gas gauge would indicate
empty when they had just topped up the tank, or the speedometer would
show them at over the speed limit when parked in their driveway.

Worse yet, the only time it seemed to run strong was when headed off at
breakneck speed for distant cities. And even there it had proven
difficult to control, swerving wildly and always smashing into other cars
there. Most of the time it behaved as if someone else were driving it.
Repair and insurance costs were becoming shocking, even awesome, with
no end in sight. In a word, it was too large, and ill-suited for doing
the protection errands they really needed to do closer to home.

So it was that they set out to return to the dealership that sold them
their Liberator. The salesman stepped forward as he saw them walking
onto the lot. "We just got in all the new models." he enthused. Mr.
America interrupted him. "The Liberator you sold us last time has given
us nothing but problems . . . we've decided to downsize." The salesman
countered, "But the new models are so POWERFUL, the ads are all over
the TV newscasts. Take the new Escalation for example, everybody's going
to want one." Mr. and Mrs. America both frowned. "The Escalation has
a very bad reputation," said Mrs. America. "Our family bought one 40
years ago and it was a total disaster. We lost a family member in that
one."

"Never mind," urged the salesman, "take a look at this one. It's
another brand-new model called the Surge." The name sounded intriguing,
and Mr. and Mrs. America were willing to look. But when they saw it they
immediately reacted. "I don't think you're hearing us," spoke Mr.
America, "we wanted something smaller, this one looks just like the
Escalation to me." "But wait," interjected the salesman, "the deal is, it may
LOOK like an increase in size now, but in a couple months when the
factory has a smaller replacement vehicle ready, you can trade it in for
what you really want." "Gee, I don't know," said Mrs. America
hesitantly, "how do we know when the replacement model will actually be ready?"

The salesman seemed a bit less confident now and started to hem and
haw. "Well you know, there are always unexpected delays in producing a
new product, labor strikes, things like that. But our estimates are it
shouldn't be more than a couple months, a year at the outside." Mr. and
Mrs. America could not bear the thought of being stuck with an
oversized clunker for another year. "No," said Mr. America, "we're definitely
not going to go for the Surge."

By now the salesman was starting to sweat profusely. He knew that the
boss had already committed the entire capital resources of the
dealership to buy a fleet of new Escalations, together with Surges and all its
other sub-models. They were taking delivery on them already on the
back lot. And the word had come down that any salesman who did not push
the new lines would be fired on the spot. So many dedicated, talented,
experienced and hard-working career employees had been terminated
already. "OK, OK," stammered the salesman. "I've got just the thing for
you, here it is, it's called the Augmentation."

Mr. and Mrs. America were becoming increasingly annoyed, even angry.
They could not for their lives tell the fundamental difference between
this Augmentation and the other models the salesman had already tried to
push on them. It was still too big for them and the one thing they
knew for sure was that they wanted something smaller that would give them
better service at home. They just shook their heads and started to
walk off the lot.

The salesman came running after them in a panic. "How about a Boost?
It's just a little Boost." he pleaded. "Is it smaller than the car we
have now?", asked Mrs. America. "No," admitted the salesman, as his
face turned increasingly red, "but the Boost is only a SUBCOMPACT
increase in size." "We're not interested in anything you've got," asserted
Mr. America firmly as Mrs. America also shook her head.

It was then that they noticed another dealership across the street, so
they thought they'd give them a chance. They told the salesman there,
"we are interested in a new car, something less unwieldy than what we
have now, and everything we've seen so far has been just the opposite"
"Yes, I know," said the salesman, "a lot of people are coming over to
us for our flagship model, the Direction." On first glance the Direction
appeared to be much more like what they were looking for. It was at least
somewhat smaller, but they remained skeptical.

Mr. America asked, "If we buy this new Direction, do you promise to
give us responsive service, and that it won't turn out to be the same kind
of trouble we have now." "I promise," assured the salesman. "OK,"
sighed Mr. America, "we'll take the new Direction, but you better be
telling us the truth." "Or else, we'll bring it right back again this
time," added Mrs. America.

And that's the story of how Mr. and Mrs. America bought a new car.

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There are a lot of people "upside down" (Owing more than the vehicle is now worth,) on super sized gas guzzlers.
My advice is SELL it ASAP. Losing a few thousand now is better than losing more later. If you owe the finance company more than you can pay back, you still need to get rid of the guzzler. Talk to a smaller car dealer for advice on how to use "Constructive Financing" to get rid of the Pig. Gas prices may never go down. Don't jump on the first idea they give you, though. (Some car dealers will lie!) Shop around.